Chronicles of Ryebone

Piranha 3DD

My friend was home already when I arrived - a rare occurrence with his new job - and I could see the grin on his face from outside. We were going through some movies the night before and stumbled upon the new Piranha movie, and knew then that it was available for viewing. Immediately I supposed that his mind was going through how he was going to see this movie. Two years previous he brought his wife to the theatre for the first one (in 3D) and she was horrified. Not by the "horror" aspect of it, I'm sure, but more of the extreme gratuitous shots of naked women and the shameless level of tongue-in-cheek vulgarity present throughout the running time. But mainly the women: it was pretty ridiculous. So there was no chance of him being able to see the second one when she was around (they watch everything together).

It was as if the stars aligned though, not twenty four hours later. His wife was staying with her mother, and he was not obligated to be with her. My other friend's girlfriend was also away, out of town, leaving the house void of women. He knew this, and anticipated it throughout the day. The first thing he asks is: do we watch it now, or later (that evening)? Regardless of when, it happened and yes, it was incredibly terrible (yet incredibly funny).

I wrote about the predecessor a while back, and the way I read it is in a fairly negative tone. I mean, it is a bad movie, but I did watch again with Nathan a few weeks after the first time and must say, enjoyed it more. Perhaps this happens because it has my full, undivided attention. When you're watching a movie with a friend, that is what you are doing. You are not watching the movie and browsing your phone at the same time. You are not watching and making dinner in another room. Together, you can laugh about the shenanigans onscreen; it's social, and the movie is better for it. It also helps that the original was firmly tongue-in-cheek, the sequel has even less shame and is may be trying to be something it's not, which is to say it's trying to be like the original but falls flat on its face.

So it's quite terrible (in a way) that Piranha 3D looks like a cinematic masterpiece complete with acting, plot, suspense and humour compared to Piranha 3DD, which lacks all of the above. The effects are worse, the thrills are cheap (and predictable) and the movie in general lacks any kind of coherency. You wouldn't think it needs to, but apparently Piranha 3D set the bar (relatively) high for a sequel. All that being said, the movie provided some good, cheap laughs, a sense of disbelief and satisfaction that we could go on with our lives.

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